a little more personal

i think it is worth mentioning that after an uncomfortably candid conversation with my boyfriend [you know the kind- not the typical "boo boo boo no, baby i love YOU more" shit but the REAL shit that you haven't shared for a reason], i mozied on over to one of my best new york friends [and favorite blogger]'s blogs and noticed that he, too had left behind the fluff in favor of the nitty gritty, which of course turns out to be the really compelling stuff. i can't help but think that my tactic of just ignoring the things that are hard for me to talk about, which definitely hasn't been working thus far, judging by my plethora of emotional issues and hang-ups, is doing a lot more than just holding me back emotionally. i think that shit's holding me back as a writer, too.

i think the problem so far has been that i just don't know how to put into words the shit that's happened. in my mind, it's just a series of ..what, pictures? no. it's a series of something that i can't seem to qualitate. [yeah, i made up a fucking word. you knew what it meant, didn't you? so shut it.]

anyway, i'm going to try to manage two of these "blog" things, as the kids are calling 'em. the other one will be where the other stuff gets posted. i'm still going to update this one with all my humorous ramblings, but for the "nitty gritty" you'll have to go to the other one. that's if i decide to let you in.