be a lion, not a meowess.

i seem to have a problem with sticking my foot in my mouth, but apparently i'm the only one who notices.

the things i say are so inappropriate sometimes; i wonder to myself "would i say these very same things under different circumstances?" which is a polite way of asking myself if i'd make the same jokes if my significant other were around. the answer, of course, is yes, i would. which only reflects even more poorly on me.

for some reason, actually no- not "for some reason." i know exactly why. the phrase such-and-such "reflects poorly on me" just reminded me of the last time i used that phrase. it was at the performance of a certain ex-boyfriend whose parents were there and who were, unbeknownst to both them and me, meeting me for the first time after being told all about me by said ex-boyfriend and after having seen pictures of me as well. it was this very performance that i attended with my new (and current) boyfriend who is the roommate of said ex-boyfriend. it was when ex-boyfriend's father stopped during a pause in conversation with my current boyfriend/his son's roommate and interrupted the concurrent conversation i was having with the stepmom right next to them (oh yes, what a lovely little foursome we were, the ladies chitchatting about david byrne while the men, i can only assume, talked about man things) to point at us and say "you two are an item now, right?" that i used the phrase "well, that reflects poorly on me."

what a random memory.

but i digress..

i seem to have a problem with sticking my foot in my mouth. i chalk it up to the fact that i am an opportunist and when an opportunity presents itself to make the perfect joke or relish in an abfab pun or witticism, i just can't resist and thus end up making the most inappropriate jokes. the strange thing is- no one seems to get uncomfortable, except maybe me.

case in point:

well, maybe it's best that i not divulge too much.

instead i'll pose a seemingly unrelated question:
why do guys feel it's necessary to lie about their sexual histories? i discovered tonight, years after the fact, that an ex-boyfriend of mine lied about his sexual history. perhaps it was to exaggerate his prowess, i don't know. i do know that it was during a period of time when he was attempting to lure me into his den, if you catch my drift. the only thing is- he was a lion (or so he seemed) and i was hardly a cub. i was a kitten. which is not to say he was a predator. certainly not. his advances went unanswered and eventually he stopped prowling around my area of the savanna and that was that. it's just amusing to me that he of all people lied about something as trivial as his sexual history. he clearly had the edge up on me at the time, so why lie? he seemed so nonchalant back then. he seemed like the ultimate in cool- at least in terms of demeanor. (he was always a loner and a bit of an outcast, so i wouldn't use "cool" as a descriptor of his image) he seemed like he didn't care what anyone thought of him. that confidence was part of what made him so damn attractive to me in the first place. and now? well, now we've both changed and yet remained the same. there's no hostility between us and we may even see each other again in the near future, for the first time in years which should be interesting because before we got to discuss the disintegration of our relationship, hurricane katrina hit and everyone scattered all across the country. nonetheless, it amuses me to find out, 2+ years later, that the last person i'd ever expect to suffer from the juvenile thought processes that lead to guys lying and saying they're more experienced than they actually are suffered from exactly that. is that supposed to impress us gals, cos really at the time, it just discouraged me. i'm not fond of being one of many, which was what i considered at the time. the thing that gets me is this- why lie and say you have more experience than you actually do when it could come back and bite you in the ass? what happens if you tell me you've slept with, oh say.. 4 girls when you're actually still carrying your v-card and then i actually do agree to sleep with you, expecting you to have the experience that would be gained by having slept with 4 girls but in reality, you're a fumbly, awkward virgin? why set yourself up for that?

i guess for the same reason i can't help but crack an inappropriate sexual joke when the opportunity presents itself- you just can't help it.