retreat.

i feel more like myself at this moment than i have in a very long time. things are going well, all things considered, but it's so much more than that. i think i'm actually beginning to be myself again. i've taken a bit of time to myself to think and reflect and just be and it's really helped me get back in touch with the things that are important to me. hopefully this isn't fleeting; i've missed myself. the person i was for quite a few months there was someone that i wasn't proud of. the fire that i prided myself on died out and in its place was the complacent, apathetic person who merely did what they were told to, unquestioningly. my passion and love was completely gone. but no more.

the upside to this is that i can begin to live my life again. i can have faith in myself and the decisions that i made from here on out. the downside, however, is that a few things are going to have to give in order for this to be lasting. i want to be the person i know that i am. i'm tired of monotony. i'm tired of being unhappy. i'm tired of not knowing who i am because that's not me.

but now i am.


hopefully, a byproduct of this self-actualization will be a renewed ability to write. perhaps not being myself was the cause of my six-month writer's block. i'm going to cross my fingers.